Groucho Marx Inspirational & Motivational Quotes

• The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. – Groucho Marx
• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? – Groucho Marx
• Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. – Groucho Marx
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx
• In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. – Groucho Marx
• She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. – Groucho Marx
• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx
• I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. – Groucho Marx
• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx
• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx
• All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats. – Groucho Marx
• A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. – Groucho Marx
• Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. – Groucho Marx
• Humor is reason gone mad. – Groucho Marx
• Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. – Groucho Marx
• I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. – Groucho Marx
• Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx
• Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. – Groucho Marx
• Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does. – Groucho Marx
• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx
• Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. – Groucho Marx
• I intend to live forever, or die trying. – Groucho Marx
• It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. – Groucho Marx